Pains Unspoken
by SPB
Summary: (Originally published on FiMFiction, takes place prior to "Celestial Advice".) Shining Armor must do one of the hardest things he's ever had to do in his entire life, apologize to a powerful leader for uintentionally being hard on him. But what if Thorax wishes to apologize as well?


"There's no such thing as a _nice_ changeling." Eight words. Eight words was all it took to leave an impact, but not the one Shining Armor would've liked. Looking back on it now, those words were high on the list of moments he wished more than anything he could do over. Sure, at the time he'd convinced himself it wasn't wrong to say them, but time has a funny way of changing the meaning of your words. And so it was that the Prince of the Crystal Empire, and Captain of the Royal Guard, was now finding himself dreading an event of great importance:

Thorax, the newly crowned king of the reformed changeling hive, had sent a letter informing both Shining Armor and Princess Cadence of his intent to come to them for advice. Thorax had requested that he be allowed to speak to both of them separately. And that was the reason Shining Armor was regretting those eight words.

He'd never actually said them to Thorax, but they said a lot about the way he'd treated the king back when he was just a lone changeling who had broken with his hive and was hoping to start a new life. " _He probably wants an apology from me for the way I acted,_ " Shining Armor thought to himself, as he struggled to concentrate on combing his mane and tail to look presentable. " _Perhaps even inflict some punishment so I know what it's like. Whatever he does, I won't blame him. I don't think there's much I can say on my behalf that could even_ _ **hope**_ _to make up for how I treated him. 'No such thing as a_ _ **nice**_ _changeling'? What was I even thinking saying those words?!_ "

Time seemed to tick by slowly for Shining, but at last the news he had been anticipating reached his ears. One of the guards approached Shining Armor and bowing before him humbly stated. "King Thorax wishes to speak with you, Captain Armor. He is waiting in the throne room and per his request is vacant of all others, including her royal crystalness Cadence."

"Thank you, Shield Sparkle," Shining replied to the guard, as he left his captain's quarters. "You may go about your business as usual, and if anything should come up, bring before Princess Cadence first." And with that, he nervously trotted down the long hallways of the crystal castle, each hoofstep he took seemed to echo in his mind. Not since his wedding to Cadence had he felt so guilty, and this time he knew he had no one but himself to blame for what he'd said and done. All he could do know though, was go before King Thorax, and hope he would not be too harsh with his decree of punishment.

* * *

Pushing open the doors to the throne room and then closing them behind him, Shining spotted the multi-colored king that was Thorax quite easily. His big red eyes looked at Shining's moderate cerulean ones, as if they were trying to measure Shining's level of guilt before either of the two had spoken a single word.

Shining found it hard to resist the urge to not look at Thorax, a part of him was screaming to turn around and leave, for there was no apology he could hope to give that would make up for how he had treated Thorax. But Shining forced himself to stand, to remain where he was. Turning around now would only make him a coward. He'd said those words and had reacted to Thorax so harshly, the least he could do was face his punishment with the dignity of a stallion. "I know what you've come here for," He said to Thorax, trying to make his voice sound as apologetic as possible. "And before you pick out a punishment, let me just say that whatever you decide on, I will agree to."

Thorax's expression quickly turned into one of confusion, as he eyed Shining Armor and asked. "Punishment? What are you talking about?"

"Isn't that why you've asked to speak to me alone? You want to punish me for treating you so badly when you first showed yourself in my presence." Shining explained.

Thorax laughed, nearly throwing back his head in the process. "Surely you're joking, Prince Shining Armor. I would've thought you all of ponies would understand the reason for my visit more than anyone else. But I guess Spike isn't the only hilarious role model around these parts."

Now it was Shining Armor's turn to look confused. "Thorax, if this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny! I treated you quite badly when you were just looking for a chance to be accepted! How could you **NOT** want at least a little compensation for that now that you're a king? Whatever you request, you could have."

Once Thorax had stopped laughing he shook his head and told Shining. "I didn't come here to place blame for our past misunderstandings. I've already forgiven you. You were only doing what you thought was right."

"That doesn't mean it's excusable!" Shining protested, stomping a hoof down in frustration. "What if the rolls had been reversed?! What if I had been the one asking for you to give me a chance, but you were blinded by your past experiences and couldn't see the truth?! Would you say you were in the right to treat me badly when I posed no threat and came in peace?!"

"You had no way to know, your empire and everyone in it was threatened," Thorax immediately replied, speaking in a kind and gentle tone. "And you are Captain of the Guard. Are you saying it was wrong of you to do your job?"

"It was when I told Spike there was no such thing as a _nice_ changeling," Shining admitted, a noticeable frown forming upon his face. And he explained to Thorax. "During his most recent visit to the Crystal Empire, I overheard Spike talking with the guards, and I realize now he was talking about you. Trying to see if they would support you if you revealed yourself. And I told Spike what I've now told you. Words that at the time sounded sincere, but words that I now realize were wrong and hurtful. I had no right to make that kind of broad statement for your entire race, nothing can excuse _that_."

Thorax appeared to be shocked at Shining's confession, if the open mouth and widened eyes were any indication. Not surprisingly, he didn't respond at all. He didn't speak up by saying it was okay, or that he understood why Shining Armor had said that (and meant it).

"I knew you'd react that way once you found out," Shining said with a reluctant sigh, his voice's tone was full of regret. "Nothing I say could justify those words. If you won't have me punished for intimidating a changeling king when he was but a lowly drone who had broken with his hive, then at least you will no doubt agree that some punishment must be dealt to me for making such a broad statement about your entire race. I don't know how you wish to punish me, but I will not complain when you have decided," Bowing his head and kneeling before the king he added. "I await your reply, your majesty. If you need time to think about it, I'm more than willing to wait."

Minutes of silence ticked by, or at least it seemed like minutes to Shining Armor. His mind passed the time by weighing what Thorax would decree as punishment. At last, the silence was broken, as Thorax cleared his throat. "I've thought about that a lot, about why you would say those words. About where they came from," He paused, before he added. "I... learned about what Chrysalis did on your wedding day, I was part of that attack. It was actually what motivated me to leave the hive and strike out on my own. It must've burned you up inside, to think that another threat had snuck in under your nose and was threatening your way of life."

"And look what that did to me, look at what it I did because of that!" Shining protested, sensing that Thorax wasn't going to punish him even for what he'd said. "After what happened with Queen Chrysalis, after she took control of me and almost took over Equestria, I convinced myself I wasn't going to make the same mistake a second time. For all the good it did me, when the real threat showed up I was just as powerless as I was before. All I accomplished in the meantime, was pick on a changeling to feel better about my own inability to protect Equestria the first time around. I should've listened to Spike, it shouldn't have taken a song and my own sister speaking up on your behalf for me to realize you weren't a threat. Heck, if Twilight hadn't stepped in then, I'd probably have thrown you in the dungeon."

"And who could blame you for doing so?" Thorax replied at once. "How were you to know I wasn't a threat? When I got close to Flurry Heart and dropped my disguise, I didn't exactly make myself look good. To you ponies, it probably looked like I was going to eat her. Disguising myself as a pony named Crystal Hoof probably didn't help matters."

"Ah yes, I actually was starting to wonder if I was losing my mind when your disguise as Crystal Hoof failed." Shining commented. "I knew I couldn't recall ever meeting a Crystal Hoof, and it was quite the sense of relief to know it was just something you and Spike came up with. If I could offer some advice, next time you decide to disguise yourself, pick something less conspicuous. Don't go for some random stranger. Guess I should take that as a sign to try those guards better though, sometimes I think even Flurry Heart listens more than they do, and she seems to enjoy driving me crazy."

"Well, at least she's got a loving mother and father to care for her and raise her right. Which is more than I can say for the one who raised me," Thorax commented, shivering at the mental image he conjured up. But it did help him to remember what he next wanted to tell Shining Armor. "I know about what Chrysalis did on your wedding day, and right before it. I was part of the invasion force. Seeing your sister and her friends display true friendship like that is what actually motivated me to leave the hive in the first place. Just never imagined how hard it would be to do so, _and_ get a good meal. I considered moving to Ponyville because I heard a rumor about someone there befriending a changeling. But it looks like that's all it was, a rumor."

"Probably." Shining said, even as he pondered. He could've sworn that on one of his visits to Ponyville there had been a passing mentioning of a changeling, but the actual memory of where and when he'd heard that was lost to him.

Shifting the topic back to Chrysalis, Thorax was quick to add. "Knowing now what you went through, it's not surprising you'd take reports of another changeling absolutely seriously. I certainly wasn't doing myself any favors by sneaking around, disguised as a pony, and asking for Spike to put his hero title on the line to defend me. I was the one who wanted you all to trust me, I should've been the one to ask for it, not to make Spike do it for me."

"But would I have listened?" Shining replied with concern, his teeth chattering. "Remember, I already told you that I believed a changeling could never be good. If I had been the one to whom you'd surrendered and claimed you came in peace, I'd have probably thought you were lying. And what I would've done then... well, I don't even want to think about it. Getting Spike to defend you was probably the smartest choice, at least others were willing to listen to him, even if _I_ wasn't. So, do you see now, your majesty? Do you see why it is that I should be made to apologize to you?"

Thorax nodded. "I do, and trust me when I say, I thought long and hard about whether or not I should seek such an apology. I'm not gonna lie and pretend that everything that happened between us that day doesn't still hurt. I know you were just doing your job and I wasn't doing much to make myself trustworthy, but some wounds never truly heal."

Shining just bowed his head, as he waited for his cue to apologize. He could only hope he'd be able to make it sound as convincing as possible,

But almost as soon as Shining had bowed, Thorax commanded. "Prince Shining Armor, please look at me!" That certainly got Shining's attention, this was the first time Thorax had ever addressed him (albeit behind closed doors) by his full title. He opened his mouth to speak, but Thorax beat him to it as the changeling king announced. "I have decided that I will not seek an apology from you."

Shining scratched his ears. "What?! Surely I must've misheard!" He exclaimed.

Thorax shook his head. "No, you heard right. A part of me did want you to apologize. But I want to be a better leader than Chrysalis, and that means I can't dwell on the past. The past can't be changed," The next words seemed to slowly escape his lips and work their way into Shining's mind. "Reluctantly, if that's what I'm going to do, an apology isn't going to suit either of our needs."

Shining had a hard time pondering his response, until at last he found the words he wanted to say. "Maybe not _your_ needs, but what of my guilty conscience? Maybe at least a private apology would suffice?"

"You have no need to apologize, I can already tell from your actions alone that you're sorry for the things you said and did," Thorax explained, sincerity ringing through his voice loud and clear. "If you weren't sorry, you wouldn't be begging for an apology, let alone insisting that you be punished. Let's not forget that you agreed to let me stay in the Crystal Empire even after everything that happened. I had plenty of time to get to understand you better, and plenty of time to sense that you regretted your actions and words when I first showed myself to you. You feel bad about them, and that's good. But you don't need to keep beating yourself about it. Like I said, the past can't be changed. But the future is a different story. If we agree to put the past behind us and accept that we've both said and done things we regret, there is a lot we can do for both our kinds in the future."

"Is that why you wanted to come and talk to me, and to Cadence?" Shining asked Thorax, who nodded in approval. "But why go through the trouble of meeting with us separately?"

"Because I could sense how much the love in your heart was reluctant, how guilt weakened it and prevented you from truly accepting we were equals," Thorax explained, as he got up and trotted over to Shining as he told him. "Before I could ask you or even Cadence for advice on how to lead, I knew we needed to have this cleared up between us. I apologize if that meant being secretive and vague about said intentions, but it was the only way I could think of getting you to realize for yourself how sorry you were, and why you no longer need to keep apologizing for what happened. So, can you finally agree that we'll let bygones be bygones? I may never truly be able to forget what you said and did, but I know that you've changed, like I've changed. And for the sake of our kingdoms, I think it's best if we allow those changes to be seen."

Shining hesitated for a little bit. Despite what Thorax had said, could he truly be willing to accept the king's offering of forgiveness without any demand for apology or punishment? " _Have I truly changed for the better? Or am I still that pony I was the day I learned of the changeling threat and told myself I'd do whatever it takes to protect my empire?_ " He thought, and this thought troubled him for what felt like several minutes. At last, he somehow found the courage to reach his hoof out and shake it with Thorax's front right leg. "I... suppose you're right, Thorax. I _have_ changed. I was just too hard on myself for my past mistakes to realize that. Thank you, for helping me to see what should've been obvious."

"Hey, what are friends for?" Thorax replied with a smile, before he realized something and gasped! "Oh man, this meeting took longer than I anticipated! I'm gonna be late for my meeting with Princess Cadence!"

"Well, don't let me stop you, I'll just be on my way," Shining spoke up, as he trotted towards the throne room doors. But just before he opened them, he turned to Thorax and said to the king. "Oh, and one more thing, Thorax."

"Yes?" Thorax asked, unsure of what Shining would ask and whether or not it would be important.

"If you've got some time after talking to Cadence, I'd love it if you could stick around," Shining encouraged with a smile and a wink. "Have you ever played _Ogres and Oubliettes_ before?"

"I've never even heard of it." Thorax quickly commented in reply.

Shining smirked a bit, as he said to Thorax. "Well, I'd be more than happy to teach you. Not that I mean to brag, but I'm pretty much a master at the game. I taught Twily, Cadence, _and_ Spike how to play it, and I haven't lost a serious game in quite a long time."

"Then I suppose we'll have to see if I can break that streak," Thorax grinned. "That would be a satisfying revenge for all of this."

"Good, it's settled. My place, as soon as you can make it," Shining nodded, and opened the throne room doors as his wife trotted in. "You talk with Cadence for as long as you need to though." Shining then quickly walked out of the throne room, the doors closing behind him. Things had gone pretty well for him today, he'd even got a new playmate out of the whole ordeal. That was definitely not an outcome even the most optimistic part of the young prince's mind could've come up with.


End file.
